Going Back to College: A Mommy's Survival Guide

I wrote this for a college class.  Critique is welcome and encouraged!

 

For some, “taking a year off” from college can turn into a much longer break.  Often, life happens in the mean time.  We get a job, get married, have children, and accumulate a number of responsibilities.  Returning to school after 10+ years can seem overwhelming at first.  Here are some tips and tricks that can help you get through that first semester.

Time and Stress Management

Buy a calendar.  A calendar will be your best friend.  Not only will you need to write down important class dates (tests, exams, paper due dates, etc), you’ll also want to keep track of important life dates too.  It’s never fun to find out at the last minute your husband will be out of town the entire week of midterms.  Trust me!

Online classes.  Online classes are a great way to take classes in your pajamas after the kids go to bed.  Taking classes online will also help with the transition from changing diapers and folding laundry to focusing on logarithms and memorizing legal terms.  Don’t slack off, though.  You never want to underestimate the amount of time you need to dedicate to online classes.  They are college courses. 

Keep a pillow handy.  They are perfect for screaming into when your significant other comes home to a messy house and says, “Did you do any work today?”  Pillows also work well to keep kids in line when you’re tethered to the computer, taking a test or timed writing.  When they are getting into things or making a mess, just aim and throw.  It’s that simple!

Organizational Skills

Notebooks, scantrons, binders, oh my.  It is important to make sure you have a 3 ring binder, notebook, and folder for each course.  Binders will help keep your assignments and papers organized and give you a place to keep graded work for quick reference while studying for tests.  Notebooks are perfect for taking notes and doodling the last half hour of your 3 hour lecture.  Always make sure you know what your instructor uses for tests at the beginning of the course.  Then, when it’s time to take a test or skill drill, you are prepared. 

Clean first, then study.  Keeping the house clean is hard enough without having to dedicate forty hours a week to classes.  Studying can sometimes seem to be the most important priority, but if you are constantly putting it at the top of the list, your house suffers.  If you have a toddler, it is even more important to keep the house clean.  A “toddler bomb” can leave your house looking like a warzone.  Where did that chunk of concrete come from? 

Laundry baskets.  While baskets are great for keeping laundry in, they work for so many other things too.  A laundry basket can be a toy box, storage bin, or a place to keep your books and various school paraphernalia (see above).

Studying with Children

Get them involved.  Kids are notorious for only really wanting you when you’re busy doing something else.  Whether it be a phone call, cooking dinner, or studying, they are sure to ask you a million questions, want you to hold them, or scream in your ear the second your attention goes elsewhere.  Getting your child interested in doing “homework” with you is a good way to keep them occupied.  It’s as simple as laying out paper and pencil or workbooks from the dollar store while you’re at the table. 

Use your family and friends.  Now is the time to cash in all those babysitting hours with friends and family.  If you have a teenager in your extended family, even better!  Just remember, teens like money, so if you’re broke, give grandma a call.  A friend or family member with kids in the same age group is great for trading babysitting.  “Play dates” are a lifesaver on test week.

Let them eat cake…..or pudding for breakfast.  This first semester, you’re going to have the “I’m a terrible mom” feeling often.  Just remember you and your children will make it through mostly intact.  Slacking a little bit and letting the kids run amok every now and then will become a necessity when adjusting to a fuller schedule.  Eventually you will all adjust and find a new rhythm, so try not to stress the small lapses in good parenting.

Conclusion

College can seem like a daunting task at first, but once you get past the nervousness of something new, adjust to the new pace, and find some structure in the chaos, you will come to enjoy it.  The most important advice I can give would be to breath.  Stress can take all the small things and magnify them into a giant ball of chaos if you let it.  Keep focused on the fact that you are not just do this for your family, you are also doing it for yourself. 

Coping with School Days

Alexander started Pre-K this week.  He's doing great and impressing his teachers which I never had any worries about.  I worried about Audrey adjusting,  but she seems to be doing fine with everything except it messing with her nap time.  

The problem, of course, is me.  I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had in a while on Sunday.  If you aren't really familiar with them, let me help you.



F is for Fucktard. Source



First, it starts out innocently enough.  There's a little tugging in your chest, like you have a bit of heartburn.  You start chewing on your fingernails like mad.  Before long, you're arms get kind of achy like right after working out.  Then, that little tugging turns into a feeling akin to an elephant with a weight problem standing on you, making margaritas whilst doing the salsa to Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" on your chest.  Then the panic sets in.  You feel invisible eyes on you all the time.  You're skin crawls while simultaneously trying to turn itself inside out.  And that's just day one.  You can't sleep which only intensifies the symptoms the next day. 

Before you even know it, depression sneaks up on you like a bitch in the night. Then you feel like sleeping all the time and the only thing that really gives you any satisfaction is food and sex.  Luckily, I have a husband now to provide me with the latter.  The food is becoming a bit of a problem.

Yesterday, my coping mechanisms involved pizza rolls, a turtle sundae shake and mozzarella sticks from Sonic, and burritos from Taco Villa.  Today, it was chicken fried rice, fried wontons, and Chex Mix muddy buddies.  Oh yeah, I had those yesterday too.

I'm scared by the time he graduates high school, I'll be one of those ladies they have to cut out of their houses just so I can attend the ceremonies.  They'll have to build a parade float with tassels and garland to cart me there.  Why not have a marching band too.  Seems like a festive occasion.



I would be the sun, obviously. 
\And, it only makes sense to be sponsored by Waste Management.
Source

I feel down in the very deepness of my soul that if I could just cry for like an hour I would be okay.  The anxiety would go away and take it's whore of a wife, depression with it.  But that's the Catch-22 with insanity.  The medication I'm on won't let me.  It won't let me cry.  I can tear up a little bit when I find something moving on a show or see someone do something extraordinary for someone else, but anything personal, and Zoloft the plumber has turned off the waterworks.  The only way to get the tears is to stop taking the medication which will cause a downward spiral of depression and with it, anxiety.  Damned if you do, fucked if you don't. 

Bastard.  Source

I'll be better soon.....I hope.  It usually only takes a few days for the crazies to wear off.  I'm fighting them, I really am.  I hate that my husband walks in, looks around the messy house, the dishes in the sink, no dinner on the table, etc a wonders what the hell I did all day.  He has a hard time understanding that some days, it takes all I have just to keep myself above water, so to speak.  I say it's my back pain or a migraine that's kept me from the housework but really it's the drain of energy it takes to keep myself together. 

I'll be better soon.  I will.