I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...

So it's no secret I'm on medication.  I say that like it's so serious.  It's just a mid-range dose of a very popular antidepressant.  I, like most people on meds, sometimes feel like I'm better off the drugs.  I think that the pills are stifling the "real me" and just numbing me out.  I lack the ablity to cry.  I feel right now like I'm just a shadow of who I'm suppose to be.  I am a more creative, interesting person than this.  I could do so much more if these damn pills weren't holding me back.......then I remember what I'm like off the meds.

Ok, so I'm not THIS bad.

I lay on the couch for days, only doing the bare minimum in parenting to keep CPS at bay.  I forget to take a shower....for 10 days.  I eat everything in the house, but always feel hungry.  I cry uncontrollably because I wish I could be as happy as those girls in that tampon commercial.  I get mad at my husband for not being there in the middle of the day when I need someone to hold me.  I think about cutting.  I would never do it again, because even in my haze, I know I have too much to lose to go that far. I can't sleep at night because I'm sure something is going to grab me and pull me under the bed and feast on my corpse.  I am paranoid that all the people I know can see the crazy radiating off of me like heat from the pavement on a hot summer day. 

I think I'll ride out this whole "sane, but boring" thing for awhile.

Mental illness really effs with your head!