Don't you hate when....

a word gets stuck in your head? 

lackadaisical personified

lack·a·dai·si·cal  [lak-uh-dey-zi-kuhl]
adjective
1.    without interest, vigor, or determination; listless; lethargic: a lackadaisical attempt.
2.     lazy; indolent: a lackadaisical fellow.
Thanks Dictionary.com



So, my mom most everyone would agree that throughout my life, this word could describe me to a tee.  You look it up in the dictionary, and there's a picture of me.  Up until a few years ago, I had no argument.  I was a lazy, no-good, sorry excuse for a jackass.  I was waking up, drinking a glass...yes, a glass as in 8 oz, of vodka in the morning, topping off a Dr Pepper with more vodka for work, and counting down the minutes until I was off work so I could hit da club and find some sad soul to have an unmeaningful relationship* with until the next morning. 

As you all know, I got knocked up faced my demons and sobered up. 

Side note:  People who say demonds.  Shoot them in the face or stab them with a fork?

Anyway, I got my shit together and had that little bundle of joy who is starting Pre-K in less than 2 weeks.  I haven't had time to be lackadaisical because I've been protecting that soft spot for the last 4 years.  But now the fontanel is closed and he is a self-proclaimed "big boy".  *teardrop*  I'm faced with the fact that in many ways, this is true.  He's growing older which means I'm growing older *gasp*.  Audrey's running a close race behind him.  She's bound and determined to kick her brother's ass in everything. 

What now? 

Should I be planning some future without them now?  Should I just take things slow and keep them babies as long as I can?  Should I go back to school?  Should I lock them in a closet and never let them into the world that so thoroughly kicked my ass for so many years?  Should I....?

I know this isn't a new topic.  Every mother has been through it.  Well, every good mother.  We're closing a chapter in our little lives, and it feels huge.  I'm not ready for this part to be over yet.  At the same time, I'm excited to see how awesome these two people are going to turn out.  The only solution is to live in the present and enjoy every minute that I can.  Even the one's where my daughter is being a complete asshole.  Time to go before she destroys the whole house or electrocutes herself.


*unfullfilling sex